Acceptance: This is who you are.
One of the first steps you will take on your journey is acceptance: Self-acceptance to be more precise; Allowing yourself to accept that that this is you, that you are Gender Dysphoric. Acceptance is not the same for everyone. For some, acceptance can be relatively easy; they accept that they have this condition pretty quickly, make a plan and start their transition. For others self-acceptance can be a struggle, a long painful and difficult struggle. Added to that struggle there can be what appears to be an insurmountable wall of additional issues – previous emotional trauma, family, relations, friends, money and appearance; each one adding to the burden that a person who is GID will have to endure in order to get where they need to be.
- You finally learn to fully accept yourself and plan your life going forward from that point
- With the aid of a therapist you learn to fully accept yourself, plan your life and move forward from that point
- You continue to try to ignore the issue - occasionally the problem does surface but it is dealt with self-inflicted abuse - cutting, excessive drinking etc
- You take your own life
It may seem casual and flippant to say "accept/plan/move forward", when the reality of the situation is far from that. Even if you can accept yourself, by yourself, without the aid of a councillor you will still have a huge number of issues and problems to deal with. A good councillor will enable you to see that while each of these issues are problems in their own right, they are not insurmountable. There is an old saying: "A problem shared is a problem halved". This is very true with regards to GID and the process of transitioning. A good councillor will help you to learn to see ways around your problems while offering an impartial ear. This is one of the main reasons you should seek one out. A good councillor should not "tell you what to do" but guide you in a manner that allows you to learn by yourself what to do. Transitioning is a long hard, messy business on everyone. We strongly recommend that you attend a councillor on a regular basis, before, during and after you complete you transition.
Before starting your transition you should consult with a specialist who deals with Gender Identity Disorder, or one that has some experience in treating the condition. They will help you sort out you feelings and thoughts. Their job is not to stop you from transitioning or to hinder your progress but to ensure that you are making the right decision for you.
Based on the information you provide them they can help point you in the right direction and ensure you are on the right path. Before and during the transition process you need to ensure that you are providing your councillor with as much information as possible. Not just about why you are doing your transition and how you feel about it, but about all the other issues in your life - past and present. You should note that the dialogue that you have with your councillor will not focus primarily on you and your decision to transition, but it will also take into account those around you and how it is effecting their lives; their reaction to you. If you hold information back from you councillor you could be denying them vital information which would aid you on your journey.
You should see your councillor as a 'doctor' for your head. They are not "gate-keepers" designed to stop you. If you really are set on transitioning, nothing will stop you. Instead they are there to guide you to ensure that you do the best for you. Transitioning involves a lot of different doctors, but they can be split in to two groups - one for you head and one for your body. It is pointless and self-defeating to go to all the trouble of adjusting your body to the correct gender if you do not deal with any psychological issues that you may have at the same time.
There are numerous cases of people who rushed in to transitioning only to realise later that they have made a huge mistake.
An Open Mind
If you approach your councillor with a closed mind, with the attitude that no matter what they say you're going to ignore their advice because you know better; then failure is a certainty. If you leave a councillor with the attitude that they do not know what they are talking about, that they're only a cretin that you know better; then you are going to fail. When you tell people of your transition you expect them to accept the information with understanding and an open mind. You too should accept any information or guidance that a councillor gives you with the same open mind as well. For example if your councillor suggests sorting out other areas of your life before starting the transition process, then you should heed that advice. Yes you may think you know what's best for you, but you councillor will know what's best to ensure you start and finish right, provided you have given them all the important information about your situation.
You don't have to hate your body, or more specifically your genitals, in order to feel what you have is wrong. You don't have to hate your breasts. Self-acceptance and the realisation that yes right now your body does not look the way it's supposed too, but sometime in the future, maybe sooner then you think, it will. If you can hold on to that idea it will go along way to making you happy and fulfilled as you transition.
Hatred of Yourself
Hatred and hatred of your own body is a very strong and negative emotion to have. It might not appear to but it will affect your relationships and the interactions you have with people on a daily basis. They will sense your negativity and more then likely will not want to be around you. This of course will increase your negativity as you may believe that it's because of the way your body is that no one wants to interact with you. Not because of the negative vibes. A question you should ask of yourself : If you spent many years hating your body, what are you going to do with all that hatred once you have transitioned? It does not just vanish in to thin air. A councillor can help you deal with all that misplaced hatred and anger and channel it in to something good and positive. If you do not learn how to do this, it will hang around your neck like a mill-stone dragging you down. The negativity will affect they way you are with people around in a bad way. You may be GID, transition completely and realise that you are completely alone and unhappy because of your failure to deal with the emotional problems triggered by GID or your refusal to accept who you are.
People with GID vary greatly in their need for counselling. At one extreme, one could see a patient who has detailed knowledge of the condition, has planned exactly how they intend to deal with it, and only requires the diagnosis to be confirmed by a Consultant Psychiatrist who will start them on the appropriate treatment. Conversely, a person may have a severe depressive disorder and a history of suicide attempts and might need extensive support from a councillor before or during their transition. They may also be uncertain as to whether they are genuinely GID or not.
Patients with severe psychiatric problems associated with their GID should be referred to a psychiatrist experienced in GID issues. Other patients will probably find the services of a councillor sufficient, again it must be emphasised that it is important to refer patients to a councillor experienced in GID issues. An experienced gender councillor will be able to help the patient explore her own issues and experiences and decide for themselves whether they are indeed GID and should undergo sex reassignment, or if they are in fact a transvestite who merely requires support in learning to accept their own nature.
The Links page contains some contact information for specialist in your area
