Making a Plan
When transitioning one of the most important things you can do is make a plan. Decide where you want to go and then plan how you're going to get there. What steps you need to take. How long each step should reasonably take. Set goals and set a date for completion of each of those goals. Break the whole transition process down in small manageable chunks. You may find things will progress easier for you. They might not be smoother but that will depend on your own personal situation. You don't need the power of Microsoft Project to create your plan a simple pen and paper will do. An example would be something like:
"In two years time I want to have my transition completed and living my life as it's supposed to be. What do I need to do to ensure that this happens - successfully?"
- For the next three months I will live in androgynous mode - in the clothes of my chosen gender but nothing obvious - simple and plain.
- I will have hair removal (as required) in that time.
- I will attend my gender councillor X number of times - until all of my person issues have been successfully dealt with.
- I will separate from my partner (as required)
- I will grow my hair (as required)/ I will start to cut my hair - shorter and shorter (if it's not already)
- I will learn how to apply make-up correctly
- In six months time I will be living in increased androgynous mode - a little more obvious with my clothes. I will increase my make-up.
- I will plan on informing my family/friends/work - as appropriate/required
And so on - if you plan on completing a transition in two years time - plan for it. You don't have to stick rigidly to this plan, but if you can, follow it as closely as possible you will find that in two years time you will have completed your transition - or a least you won't be far from it. Revise your plan as you progress as you may find somethings happen sooner then you expected or roadblocks may slow you down. It will also enable those around you to get used to the idea and the change may not be so 'shocking' or surprising. Factor in or allow for unexpected problems. Plan for the unexpected e.g. What if you lose your job? How will you pay for and complete your transition?
Below is a general guide and outline as to all the different steps you should take when planning your transition. Please note that this is not a 'rule book' that you should follow without question, merely a suggested course of action that you can take in order to ensure your transition goes a smoothly as possibly.
Table of contents:
Assuming you have already decided that changing gender is something that you are going to do you're first step is to stop and do nothing. Once you come to the realisation and acceptance of who you are the initial period that follows will be one of intense euphoria. If you burst out and go with this euphoric feeling you run the risk of running in to a brick wall very quickly once the reality of your decision has set in. Any decisions you make while under the influence of this euphoria may well come back to haunt you at a later date. So, while it may be very hard to, do nothing. Focus on the other things until the euphoria has wore off as this will enable you to think and plan with a clear head. It may take a few weeks but it will wear off.
Once your head is clear of the euphoria your next step is again to do nothing. Instead just think about the task ahead ask yourself all the difficult questions. Look at all the problems and plan. Research and plan. Research and plan.
Your next step is to see a councillor. To discuss what you plan to do, why you're doing it and how you plan on getting to your goal. We cannot stress enough, do not hold any information back from your councillor. Do not just say what you think they want to hear. That is being deceitful to both your councillor and yourself. You should also note that while transitioning is a big discussion point, other factors in you life will need to be discussed as well. This is to ensure that you have a proper plan in place for dealing with obstacles.
Once you have seen your councillor and you are sure that they path you are on is for you, you should consider telling you partner, if you have one. Be aware that your partner may not want to be involved in your transiition. If your partner does stand by you, that can be a bonus, but in all honestly the number of partners who stick with the partner as they transition is very small - regardless of what kind of relationship they had before hand.
Depending on your partner's general demeanour you can expect a number of various and in some cases extreme reactions. This will range from sympathy and understanding to outright rage and disgust. Telling your partner can be a very hard thing to do, but they do have a right to know what is happening and what you are planning on doing.
If you plan on transitioning you should not expect your partner to stand. You should not expect your partner to stand-still while you change. To wait while you see if it really is for you. If your partner says that being in a same sex relationship is not on for them, then you have to let them go and move on with their own life; Find a new partner and be happy. It is said that transitioning is a selfish business as it's all about you. And in a way it is, so you should not be even more selfish and expect your partner to wait.
Having a job is an absolute must. You must decide early on if you will transition in the workplace place or not. If possible it is probably best to transition at a job or in school, and if you want to move or leave, do so after all your legal and financial records have been changed. You can basically start with a clean slate, and you don't have to deal with all of that as well as moving and interviewing. If you work in a position historically known for firing those not considered 'normal' (gay/lesbian/trans), you may want to leave NOW for a job at a more accepting company. The key is to maintain enough revenue to cover transition costs, no matter what. I recommend not coming out at work until absolutely necessary. If you have the support of your partner they should be consulted with regards to the best course of action, because if you get fired as a result of your transition that will suffer as a result. The same also applies if you have children which you may be supporting.
For Male to Female transitioners one of the first steps to take is hair removal - as soon as possible is best. It doesn't matter if you're not out to everyone or transitioned full-time yet. The sooner you start the sooner you will be finished, plus it will aid you in presenting as a woman. Please refer to the Hair Removal section for more information.
For FTM if you have long hair you should consider cutting it. You don't have to have it all chopped off the second you make your decision, tempting as it may be - but do it gradually over a period of time. That way those around you won't even notice the change in style and it will be less of a shock.
For MTF you should consider growing you hair out - if you have it to grow, of course. For the first few months just grow it. Do not style it, colour or anything. Again you are avoiding the "sudden surprise" and those around you have a chance to get used to the idea - if they know. If they do not, they might not even notice.
Assuming telling your partner went well and your counselling sessions are keeping everything on track, your next step is telling your extended family. Like telling your partner this can be a risky business. It can go well and it can go very badly. It is an extremely personal issue. Everyone will have different challenges with this and it is important to think very carefully about when and how to tell people about how you feel and what you are doing. For young individuals who live at home or are financially dependent on their parents, this is the most critical step in your transition and must be planned out very carefully. Talk with your therapist about your specific family issues.
A few months down the line you can start to tell friends and see how things go. You should be very aware that a lot of your friends will have nothing more to do with you. This can be for a number of reasons. Their reasons are their own. You can waste time and energy
To be completed.
The voice is one of the most neglected parts of successfully blending in. Achiecving a female voice practice is time-consuming and requires a serious commitment over about 6 months. You may require work with a voice therapist for adequate results. However, it is something you can do well in advance of transition without affecting your old voice whatsoever.
Hand Writing:
To be completed.
Choosing and changing your name:
This may sound like a pretty easy thing, but it's something you need to consider carefully before committing to it legally. Your choice can affect your ability to be accepted as female/male and can even make it easier to be outed long after you are done with transition.
To be completed.
To be completed.
Surgery - Breast Augmentation/Removal:
To be completed.
To be completed.
